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  • Writer's pictureJack Gerber

SATIRE: LHS Purchases Bouncy House for Cafeteria

In the week leading up to winter break, Loveland High School purchased a bouncy house to put in the cafeteria for students to use during lunch as a part of the winter festivities.  Although the bouncy house was used by only a handful of students before winter break, as of January 30th, the bouncy house remains in the cafeteria, mostly unused.

Many students have wondered why the school purchased a bouncy house for the cafeteria, especially if it was only intended to be used for one day.  One student told The Roar that “the bouncy house was probably very expensive, especially if it was only intended to be used for one day.”  Another student told The Roar that while he is “upset that Loveland High School cannot afford busing,” he is glad to see that Loveland “can afford a bouncy house for the cafeteria” which he deems “much more important to the successful operation of the school than busing.”

Recently, the administration came up with an idea to repurpose the unused bouncy house: paint sayings about food on it.  The bouncy house is now adorned with a variety of food-themed sayings such as “a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand,” “did you ever notice there are no recipes for leftover chocolate,” and “vegetables are a must on a diet.  I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.”  A member of the faculty told The Roar that posting these sayings has greatly improved the dining experience in the Loveland High School cafeteria, but did not elaborate on how the bouncy house does this.

The financial literacy teacher recently expressed interest in hosting her fourth bell class in the bouncy house.  She told The Roar that she hopes to host the class in the bouncy house because “it is a perfect example of responsible spending” and that she hopes that “students will have time to reflect about how to properly spend their money by being in the bouncy house.”

The guidance office has also started using the bouncy house for something called “Bouncy House Trivia Tuesday.”  A guidance counselor told The Roar that they are “excited for the opportunities that the bouncy house presents for trivia on Tuesdays.”

A group of students recently proposed to the administration that the school sell the bouncy house and purchase a television for the cafeteria.  In an interview with The Roar, a faculty member said that “while putting a bouncy house in the cafeteria was a stretch, putting a television in the cafeteria would be utterly ridiculous.”  They continued by asking, “what would we even use the television for?  There is simply no need for a television in the cafeteria; a television is the only thing students would use less than they use the empty bouncy house!”

Despite disinterest and even slight opposition from students, Loveland High School remains committed to “improving the lunchroom experience” by maintaining the bouncy house for the cafeteria and using it to display pertinent quotes about food and for Bouncy House Trivia Tuesdays. 

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