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  • Writer's pictureJack Gerber

Nigerian Prince Solves Loveland's Financial Problems

After having 3 failed levies, Loveland’s financial situation was dire, but with the help of Nigerian Royal Prince Ayma Dommy Loveland has been saved. As soon as Prince Ayma can return to his throne, he will give Loveland City School District 10 million dollars to thank them for their assistance.

On Thursday, March 28th, former and future Nigerian Royal Prince Ayma Dommy reached out to Superintendent Mike Broadwater with a plea for help. He told Broadwater the sad story of how he was deposed from the Nigerian throne by his brother. He assured Broadwater that all he needed was Broadwater’s Social Security number to return to the throne and that after returning to the throne, Ayma would give Broadwater a gift of 10 million dollars to thank him. When told this, Broadwater scrambled to give Prince Ayma this information so that Loveland could solve their financial problems and be able to continue operating at its current standards.

After sending Royal Prince Ayma his Social Security number, Broadwater declared an emergency press conference to announce to the Loveland community that a levy was no longer necessary. During the press conference, he said “Thank you to future Royal Prince Ayma for his generous donation to help fulfill Loveland’s mission to be the best school district in the state of Ohio.” He later said that, “This donation will allow us to turn the lights on in our schools without me having to sell my left kidney, as I had planned to do before Royal Prince Ayma’s generous donation.” Later, Broadwater posted to the Loveland City Schools Twitter account, “Shout out to Ayma Dommy from Nigeria, he truly embodies what it means to be a Loveland Tiger. Good luck in your future career as a Nigerian Royal Prince! #beLOVEland.”

Later in the evening, Broadwater was contacted by the Social Security Administration to inform him of suspicious usage of his Social Security number. Broadwater immediately dismissed this, telling the Social Security Administration that “That’s just my good friend Royal Prince Ayma from Nigeria, there is no reason for concern, as he is using my Social Security number to do me a big favor.”

On March 30th, Royal Prince Ayma sent 10 million dollars to Broadwater to give to Loveland City School District. This additional funding has allowed Loveland to expand their AP course offerings and restore high school bussing, which has been received positively by all Loveland residents. On an unrelated note, Superintendent Broadwater received an odd call later in the day from JP Morgan Chase thanking him for placing a 20-million-dollar loan. Broadwater was stunned and has since been unable to determine who could have stolen his personal information and taken out a loan for such a large amount.

Overall, the entire Loveland community would like to say thank you to Royal Prince Ayma for the generous donation to support our schools and congratulate him on being restored to the throne. On an unrelated note, the Loveland community would like to wish Mr. Broadwater good luck as he investigates his identity theft.

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